Archive for April, 2013

The incurable bromance

Posted: April 6, 2013 in Random
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The incurable bromance.

No doubt that as a woman I have never understood nor experienced the thing that is the bromance. We females have somewhat of an equivalent on a whole other level but as women, we are lacking the bare essentials in our relationships with other women that make the bromance a bromance. Allow me to break it down for myself.

Who enters into a bromance?

This is rather straight forward. Any man of any sexual orientation, age, race or status can enter into bromance with one or more men at any time of their life for any period of time.

What is a bromance?

A bromance is a friendship existing between any of the above mentioned people for the benefit of all parties involved. Often referred to as a replacement relationship in the absence of a partner or as an escape from the same/opposite sex in a relationship of a sexual/loving nature.

Why does this bromance drive me nuts?

Normally it doesn’t but of late I have felt like a bromance has more meaning for my husband than his marriage. Let me not be unfair, my husband is a great husband who treats me well and looks after his family and me, he has many friends who I love and encourage him to see and entertain. Then, he has the bromance.
His bromance exists between him and another male friend who share the same interests (Warhammer and Magic). In his eyes, his bromance partner can do no wrong and I am certain that he feels the same way. The two of them spend hours texting each other, emailing each other and playing the above mentioned games with each other. Neither tires of the others company at any time and never do they gossip, fight, argue or disagree. It appears that they are one mind existing in two bodies and it feels perhaps sometimes I should be married to both (Polygamy is legal in South Africa after all, right?). Almost poetic yet sickening in the same breath.

As a wife it is common for me to argue or disagree with my husband. In fact, society encourages this as the basis for a healthy relationship. So how does this bromance, defying all laws of a healthy relationship, continue to function without a problem whatsoever?

How do I move on from this?

What exactly do I need to move on from you ask. Well, it is not the easiest thing to see your husband get along with someone other than you better than he does WITH you. I recognize this to be the most retarded of behaviors… What do I have to be jealous of? Another man? A pastime? A relationship dynamic? Who knows. I am certain that I am not the first and certainly won’t be the last female to question the behaviors exhibited in the throws of a bromance. That said, I am not the first female to turn a blind eye to allow my man the opportunity to be as geeky as required without me having to witness it, with someone other than me. Trust me, I have tried both of their favorite pastimes and to be perfectly honest, I am happy to leave it in the bromance.

And so… The bromance are in the garage, playing Magic the gathering the card game, in the dorkiest of bromance fashions. I am in the house watching tv and I am ok with that, because though the bromance doesn’t end when the games do, my husband still sleeps next to me tonight.

Take that bromance.

I have spent most of my life, like anyone else, trying to figure out who I am. Finally I can safely say that I haven’t got a clue who I am and I am ok with that.

We spend our entire lives finding the box in which we fit… We try to figure out our likes, our dislikes and just exactly where we fit in in the world. We believe that at the turn into adulthood, all that will change and suddenly it will all be crystal clear enabling us to continue through life with a sense of direction and purposes suited to who we define ourselves to be… Right?

Wrong.

I have been skinny and overweight. I have been a nerd, a hipster, the popular kid and the goth. I have gone from emo to metal and from clean skinned to tattooed. I have tried to fit myself into every box that society has laid out for me in which to sit. A mother, a parent, a daughter, a sister, a wife and a friend. Every label they have given me, I have worn and tested. Today I can say that I don’t fit into any boxes or suit any label I’ve been given. Today I can say that I have no box. What do you do when you don’t fit in anywhere? No. You don’t ‘fit’ in everywhere. You be yourself… You be original.

It has taken me 28 years of trying to please everyone else to realize that the only person I need to please is me. If I am happy then those around me who care for my happiness will feed off of that and be happy as well. I have tried so hard to be someone in every circle. I have tried to stand out. I have tried and failed to be good at everything so that someone would notice.

When I say that now I don’t know who I am… It is only because there is no box that can hold me. Today I am a mother listening to heavy metal with all my tattoos on display, tomorrow I am a career woman and next month I am going to a Justin Bieber concert. No one activity or preference will define me if I do not let it.

I will watch my daughters grow up and sort through their boxes to find a box that fits with a label that suits them and then eventually I hope to watch them realize the same. I will stand aside while they make their mistakes and fail to understand who they are or where they want to be. And when they realize that today, as long as they’re doing what they want to do in the best way possible for whatever reason, they have no box, I will be watching proudly.

Am I living in a box? No. I am not even living in a cardboard box… I am sleeping under the stars baby, because I can.