Many times in my life I have felt broken, unworthy, unloved and I think at some point in all of our lives, we all do. So many challenges are thrown at us and they say (the anonymous they, or Kelly Clarkson) what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
I felt my un prettiest at pivotal points in my life that I remember distinctly. The first day of PE at school in Std 6 when I felt plain and far too hairy. Matric, when my psoriasis got so out of control that I battled to shake it before my matric dance. After the births of my daughter’s, particularly the second one, feeling overweight and like nothing fits. Then, today, when my dentist basically told me I’m becoming a geriatric before my time.
I’m not one for aesthetics but I try my best to look presentable. My teeth have been a bone of contention for many years… the one aesthetic I wish I had the financial resources to fix for good. When I was growing up, we saw a dentist. Yes, just one. When the sh1t hit the fan. For example, my cousin swung a golf club in my mouth and a cap was needed. Face first into the concrete at warmbaths and another cap was needed. A recurring abscess that meant recurring visits to WITS dental school for antibiotics and a drainage. The truth is, we didn’t get our bi annual check ups like we needed. I didn’t get braces, like I needed and the first time I actually saw a dentist for a check up was when I was earning my own money, finally on a medical aid and was about 19.
The problems I have today because of this are endless. My teeth are brittle and break or crack at the first sign of pressure. The norm is bleeding gums and fillings. I wear a denture / plate for the tooth that was taken out at third strike thanks to my oldest daughter who back handed me at about 8 weeks old. Finally I am on a decent medical aid plan that will cover some better options and today was the day my doctor told me what’s what.
After many an x-ray and disapproving looks, it’s decided that I will have 5 teeth removed from the front top row and a new denture put in place. 2 broken teeth roots will also be removed by a specialist in theatre. When that’s done, I go back to the dentist chair for a root canal and multiple fills. Thankfully my dentist has agreed to the extractions being done in theatre due to an immense fear of the dentist chair caused by an 80 year old dentist who, after 14 injections, pulled my very impacted wisdom teeth from my mouth with an archaic set of pliars.
This all sounds remarkably gruesome and the truth is I’m terrified. I am so scared of all these procedures and honestly if I could, I’d fast forward to September. What hurts more is the fact that at the age of 28, I will be wearing a denture on which 6 false teeth will rest. Good thing I’m already married :(
Yes, further treatment may happen later. The plan is to hopefully get implants, though my gums have receded considerably already and this probably won’t be an option. Even if it’s possible, could I afford it? Probably not.
This blog is a bit TMI but I’m upset and hurt and feeling horrible about myself. Maybe someone, somewhere, has or will be experiencing the same thing? Maybe someone knows just how unpretty I’m feeling. Maybe someone other than my dentist can help me fix my smile.
PS. What have I learnt from this horrid experience? Look after your teeth people. Look after your children’s teeth. Wake up tomorrow, make those appointments. You only get one set of teeth, take care of them. My daughters now have beautiful sets of teeth and see my dentist twice a year :)