Archive for the ‘Motivational’ Category


Posted: September 24, 2014 in Motivational
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You are good enough.

You need to tell yourself that every single day for the rest of your life, because if you don’t no one else is going to.

Happiness. What is happiness? It’s subjective. I have no answer for you, what makes one person happy could make another miserable. What is important to one soul is of little or no importance to another. What troubles and hurts me may have no effect on you but your biggest issue is the last worry on my list….

Growing up we are brain washed. Be thin, you will be happy. Be beautiful, you will be happy. Hey, be rich, you’ll be happier!! Why not get the perfect career, the perfect friends, the perfect furniture and house, the perfect man, the perfect children. All of these things will make you happy won’t they? Won’t they??? I’m sorry to tell you but as good as everything I’ve mentioned sounds, they probably won’t make you happy… Not if you’re not happy with the one thing that matters the most, not if you’re not happy with you.

I’ve grown up trying to people please. I have tried to hide the real me and have tried to conform to the standards I’ve been expected to… The old me anyway. That old me was miserable, that old me was fake, that old me was not truly me. Finally, after years of hiding me, I’m now accepting me. I’m accepting me for the faults I have and the traits that make me the person I am today. I’m not rich. I’m not thin. I don’t have the perfect career. My friends aren’t perfect. My house, my furniture, my man and my children, they too are not perfect. I’m a perfectionist with OCD but I’m no longer striving for perfection, I’m striving for happiness and that starts with me.

How do you not look in the mirror and feel worthless? How do you move past placing the responsibility of your worth on someone else? How do you learn to accept that you are human instead of constantly feeling like you’re a failure?

“Let go of the knife you are holding at your throat, the knife of shame, blame, fear and remorse.”

>No one is perfect… If you’re comparing yourself to others you’ll never feel that you’re good enough for anyone. You won’t be good enough for yourself. The scary thing is that people you think are perfect, are probably thinking about ten other people that they think are perfect. It’s a spiral, a downhill one, comparison will only hinder your happiness.

>When last did you have a conversation with yourself? Ok, not a loopy conversation but a monologue with your mind’s eye. You are good enough. Yes I am. You look great today. Yes I do. Tomorrow will be better than today, chin up. Thanks for the reassurance, I needed that. No, voices in your head don’t make you crazy. It’s one of the most intelligent conversations you’ve had.

>Remind yourself. Who you are, what you have to be thankful for and the people in your life. Before bed, over a cup of tea or lying in the bath, just remind yourself that you’re surrounded by people who love you and think you’re amazing. If they do, why can’t you?

>I say it all the time and I’ll say it again… Allow yourself to feel. Be human. There is nothing wrong with hurting, being sad, being upset but you will be ok and tomorrow the sun rises despite what you’re feeling.

>Forgiveness… There could be many reasons you’re not happy. You feel unworthy. Your confidence or self esteem is kicked in the teeth. Some of those feelings could probably be attributed to various people in your life. Parents, teachers, siblings, friends or exes. Sometime, somewhere, someone made you feel like you’ll never amount to much and that deduction has never left you. It’s time to forgive, it’s time to let go and make your own decisions about your life.

>Make a choice. I choose to be worthy. I choose to be confident. I choose forgiveness and I choose happiness. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.

The key to happiness and self worth is understanding that you’re the only key. No one person makes you feel worthless or like a failure, those feelings are your own. Think of a child learning to swim… They may feel like they’re going to drown the first few times in the pool. The pool may scare the hell out of them. After a few lessons though, the confidence builds and eventually they’re winning races in swimming gala’s. It’s time to love yourself, if you don’t, no one else can.

If you want to let the good stuff in,
stop beating yourself up.
No matter what.

Everyone is different but here is a list of things that could help you love you. There is no harm in trying…


Read on for steps to discover your worth and enfold yourself in affection and appreciation.

1. Begin your day with love (not technology). Remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed. Breathe in love and breathe out love. Enfold yourself in light. Saturate your being in love.

2. Take time to meditate and journal. Spend time focusing inward daily. Begin with 5 minutes of meditation and 5 minutes of journaling each morning. Gradually increase this time.

3. Talk yourself happy. Use affirmations to train your mind to become more positive. Put a wrist band on your right wrist. When you’re participating in self-abuse of any form, move the band to your left wrist.

4. Get emotionally honest. Let of go of numbing your feelings. Shopping, eating, and drinking are examples of avoiding discomfort, sadness, and pain. Mindfully breathe your way through your feelings and emotions.

5. Expand your interests. Try something new. Learn a language. Go places you’ve never been. Do things you haven’t done before. You have a right to an awesome life.

6. Enjoy life enhancing activities. Find exercise you like. Discover healthy foods that are good for you. Turn off technology for a day and spend time doing things that make you feel alive.

7. Become willing to surrender. Breathe, relax, and let go. You can never see the whole picture. You don’t know what anything is for. Stop fighting against yourself by thinking and desiring people and events in your life should be different. Your plan may be different from your soul’s intentions.

8. Work on personal and spiritual development. Be willing to surrender and grow. Life is a journey. We are here to learn and love on a deeper level. Take penguin steps and life becomes difficult. One step at a time is enough to proceed forward.

9. Own your potential. Love yourself enough to believe in the limitless opportunities available to you. Take action and create a beautiful life for yourself.

10. Be patient with yourself. Let go of urgency and fear. Relax and transform striving into thriving. Trust in yourself, do good work, and the Universe will reward you.

11. Live in appreciation. Train your mind to be grateful. Appreciate your talents, beauty, and brilliance. Love your imperfectly perfect self.

12. Be guided by your intuition. All answers come from within. Look for signs and pay attention to your gut feelings. You’ll hear two inner voices when you need to make a decision. The quiet voice is your higher self; the loud voice is your ego. Always go with the quieter voice.

13. Do what honors and respects you. Don’t participate in activities that bring you down. Don’t allow toxic people in your life. Love everyone, but be discerning on who you allow into your life.

14. Accept uncertainty. Suffering comes from living in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. Put your attention on the present moment and be at peace.

15. Forgive yourself. Learn from your mistakes and go forward. Use this affirmation, “I forgive myself for judging myself for __________ (fill in the blank i.e.: for getting sick, for acting out, for not doing your best.)

16. Discover the power of fun. Self-love requires time to relax, play, and create face-to-face interaction with others. Our fast-paced world creates a goal setting, competitive craziness that doesn’t leave room for play. Dr. Stuart Brow says, “The opposite of play isn’t work, it is depression.”

17. Be real. Speak up and speak out. Allow yourself to be seen, known, and heard. Get comfortable with intimacy (in-to-me-see).

18. Focus on the positive. Go to your heart and dwell on and praise yourself for what you get right in all areas.

19. Become aware of self neglect and rejection. Become conscious of your choices. Ask yourself several times throughout the day, “Does this choice honor me?”

20. Imagine what your life would look like if you believed in your worth. Dedicate your life to loving you. Make it your main event.

21. Seek professional help. Self-rejection and neglect is painful. You deserve to be happy. You have a right to be accepted and loved. If necessary, seek help from a support group, counselor, or coach. It’s the best investment you can make.


I hope that I learn to love myself as much as I am loved.
I hope to be as happy as people think I am.
I will one day be as strong as others expect.
I believe I am worthy of anything I desire.

That’s what you tell yourself everyday and then, only then, when you are happy will others love you as you love yourself. As you deserve.



I wrote a post in October 2013 (The road often clearly travelled) about a stretch of road that I travel daily (still do) that was in a severe state of disrepair. Instead of blaming the government, the roads agency or my wasted taxes I chose to look at this road a bit like obstacles in life that you have no choice but to overcome. It’s definitely become the most difficult part of my journey home and the road was so damaged that without slowing my bike to a ridiculous and almost impossible 10kph, I would have snapped it in half hitting one of those potholes at a speed.

Well, life sometimes gives you signs when you least expect them and aren’t even sure about what the sign actually means. Perhaps this isn’t a sign, perhaps it’s coincidence but I’m choosing to see this as an extreme motivational push… A little bit of what I needed at the moment. Last night, on the way home, I discovered that this road has finally been re tarred and what was the most bumpy and difficult part of my road home has since become the smoothest piece of road I’ve driven on! Now considering I have a few obstacles in my life at the moment including my weight loss journey, challenges in my career and challenges in our family life which I was equating to my better known pothole ridden road, I’m looking at this smooth road surface as a sign that I won’t always ‘have’ to push through the potholes, I won’t always have difficulties and I won’t always have to fight. I’m fact, I believe the universe may be telling me that it’s time for me to have a little break because I’ve gone through enough. If only for a little while, my road home will be smooth and easy to navigate and instead of navigating others through it, for a time I can just enjoy the ride.

It’s not always smooth sailing and in time this road will fall back into the disrepair it’s used to, when the rain pelts down hard and thousands of vehicles beat it down daily. But I’m certain that for a little while I’ll be able to drive on a smooth surface and enjoy knowing I conquered the potholes :)


Blogging about weight loss is truly a horrible reminder of how much I’ve repeatedly set out to achieve and repeatedly failed. Truth be told, I am my own worst enemy and the only person keeping me from the woman I’m supposed to be is me. Time to be brutally honest with myself, publicly.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for curvy women with a bit of meat on the bones, I do not aspire to be a skinny woman. My battle is with myself to be truly healthy, to live a healthy lifestyle from eating correctly to exercising regularly and in turn being happy with how I look no matter what that may look like.

I wrote in November last year about this battle (My biggest battle, most difficult war.) and how I’d joined gym again ready to lose weight. While the start was slow, in January this year I threw myself into exercise and kept a food diary which went well for 2 weeks in which time I lost 2.5kgs. I then got sick (flu sick, then Gastro sick) and just haven’t had the motivation to go back to gym. The illnesses cleared up but alas, I sat on my laurels. I know that I’ve put the weight back on, am back to square one and everything I built up to has fallen to the ground, again.

My husband is an aspiring photographer and we had a great idea for an alternative photo shoot of me for his portfolio, it involved me in my wedding dress. This week, I went to fit my dress and lo and behold, it was a tight fit… In fact, it barely fit at all. This led to my break down on the bedroom floor truly feeling the years of weight that I’ve built up. After deciding on a theme for my birthday party this year, I contacted a clothing store to check on dress sizes and sadly the dresses aren’t made in my size, plus size. Another moment of shock and sheer disgust at how far I’ve let this get. So how far have I let this get? Well it’s time to be brutally honest. At my happiest weight, when my oldest daughter was roughly 4 years old and about the time I met my husband, I weighed in at approximately 86kgs. I am a tall girl so for my height, 86kgs is not skinny but it’s curvaceous and comfortable. The reality is that now, 4 years and one daughter later, I weigh more than my post baby weight. I currently weigh in at a hefty 108kgs, the most I’ve ever weighed. What do I want to lose? 28 kgs – I want to be a curvy 80kgs at a 1.78m height (still more than the recommended weight for my height). When did I set my goal for? December 2014, now only 9 months away. And my reward when I reach that weight / size / healthiness – a rib tattoo and perhaps a boudoir shoot.

What I’m going through is no different to many women I know and in my life, the struggles of weight loss and health never seem to cease. It seems we try, we fail, we try something else, we fail, we get depressed, we feel demotivated, we eat more and then we try again. I am at a very unhappy place right now with my weight and what my body looks like, the crutch of the two children I’ve had is becoming an old excuse and the fact that I work shifts with considerable time off means that I should be in the gym every single day, no excuses. I’m so tired of reading about diets, exercise, weight loss and healthy living and yet I aspire to be someone worth casting in a fitness video. There is no way around it, it’s time to face or accept once and for a all and I choose to face it.

Yesterday, a female blogger I follow posted a before and after picture of her phenomenal weight loss since December. I saw this and immediately had to ask what she’d done, she looks phenomenal and her before / after picture alone was enough to motivate me! Her answer? A combination of things but one thing that struck my fancy, following the Paleo lifestyle. It’s not new to me, it’s been explained before, yet she sparked my interest and I’ve spent the entire day doing research on this way of life. After some interesting reads, articles and arguments (See The Beginner’s Guide to the Paleo Diet), I discussed doing this with my husband and we have both decided that we are going to embark on this Paleo lifestyle from Monday next week. Why Monday? Well, it is a serious mindset adjustment and hubby and I have a date night scheduled for tomorrow night and a weekend away with the children at Thakadu this weekend so we decided to use this time to prepare, not to deny ourselves some enjoyable eating. Monday we will go big guns, back to gym full force at the same time… Monday I try again.

The hope is that going to gym as much as possible and sticking to a Paleo LIFESTYLE (not diet) will help me reach my goal weight, be healthier, love myself, have more energy, feel good when I look in the mirror and most of all, finally help me win this war I feel like I’ve been fighting forever.

Share your thoughts with me on how you’ve successfully managed to lose weight and stay motivated, have you gone Paleo? Share your thoughts, tips and tricks.

Related articles :
Paleo Mistakes
What is the Paleo diet?



Keep Talking

Posted: February 16, 2014 in Motivational, Personal, Random
Tags: , , , ,

I never want to be made to feel that I cannot express myself. It is imperative that we do keep discussing what matters, it enriches our souls and furthers our education.


I was a girl whose heart had been broken enough times to know that I was going to be a single parent for the rest of my life… Marriage was just not an option for me.

The idea of being married made me ill and anyone who knows me will know that before meeting my husband (Yes, now I am married), marriage was a swear word. I can’t say for sure what it was about a marriage or a wedding that had me running for the hills but the thought of searching for ‘wedded bliss’ was not a treasure hunt I was willing to participate in.

That said, I’ve had some pretty good examples of loving marriages in my life time. My great grand parents were married so long that they got an anniversary card from the queen. My grand parents have been married for over 50 years and we share an anniversary month, only we are way behind. I have known a few people who’ve been married for a very long time who are still in love, little old lovebirds. Sadly, a long marriage does not always mean a happy one. I’m certain that there are many couples in the world still married because of the stigma attached to divorce and the effect it has on people like me.

I was 12 years old when my own parents got divorced, very young and it affected me pretty badly (As any one who knew me then could vouch for). My parents were divorced and I was too young too understand why. I watched many couples separate and end marriages thereafter… Friends parents, family, just so many people ending the sham that was their lives. Little to inspire any hope in the sanctity of marriage.

I was engaged once before to my oldest daughters father. An engagement I think we thought was best because of the situation we were in. I was young and we had a daughter, isn’t that the natural progression of things? No. No, we learnt that it really isn’t. While we were engaged, we could never set a date and I was not happy. Instead of planning a wedding, I was planning an exit strategy. What did I know? I was 22 years old with a 1 year old and a lot to learn.

The next time the idea of marriage resurfaced was a past relationship where my ex had been engaged before we were together and I couldn’t possibly understand how he had been engaged to someone before me (After 6 months of dating her may I add) and yet wouldn’t propose to me. I’m not sure why I wanted the proposal knowing full well that I wasn’t going to marry him. In his defense, we dated for little under a year and he was 3 years my junior, less prepared for married life than I was.

Throughout this time I watched people marry and divorce, couples get engaged but never setting a wedding date or couples together so long that you’re wondering where the bling bling was or of it was ever coming. Too many people taking marriage lightly and getting married for the sake of having a wedding. I knew, I truly knew in my heart that it wasn’t for me and I was content to never get married… Never commit. (And no, I don’t have commitment issues, have you seen how many tattoos I have?).

I met my husband the most common way possible in this day and age. Facebook to be exact. Mutual friends had decided that we should befriend each other via social networking and get chatting that way. I did add him as a friend and lo and behold, he was still ‘married’. Immediately I wanted to stop chatting to him but he quickly came clean about going through a separation which was verified by the mutual friends… One thing led to another and we started dating. I became a stupid, gushing girl and truth be told for the first time in my life I fell in love.

We were only together for a very short time when I fell pregnant. Definitely unplanned and definitely out of the blue… Hubby moved in and within a few months we’d found a place of our own and started to build our life together. After what felt like forever (but was actually only a year and a bit after we met) he finally proposed over breakfast in October and we were married by the July of the following year. We had the most beautiful wedding despite him not wanting a second ‘big’ wedding and that was that. What I spent my whole life thinking I didn’t want, I craved with someone so badly and once it happened it was the best thing that could’ve happened to me!

I’m not a very religious person so the biblical idea of marriage is not something I really worry too much about. What I do think about is the vows I said and the promises that were made and how I try my human best to honor them, almost every day.

Marriage is tough… Oh em gee it can be tough. Up until you sign those papers or walk down that aisle, no matter how committed you are there will always be an invisible trap door waiting to be used. Don’t get me wrong, there are people content to never be married and live in partnership their entire lives and it works for them… Going so far as buying houses, having children and opening businesses all sans a marriage certificate. I always thought I’d be one of those peoples and yet here I am, truly knowing that there definitely is a mind shift change that happens subconsciously when you get married. In my personal experience, those I do’s sealed the deal.

What you have to understand when you get married is that you’re not only marrying a person. You are marrying a lifestyle, a personality, a family. You are marrying values, traditions and certainly some bad habits (and vice versa). You have to be prepared to take on baggage… Marriage comes with two people’s histories that excluded the other person merging to create a future involving each other. We haven’t yet been married for two years and those good times and bad times that our reverend spoke of in our service have been experienced ten fold. We have had breaking times and times near cracking but at the same time, we love each other and neither of us would be here if we didn’t.

I intend on being married for the rest of my life, until death do us part. To do that means that every now and again, I have to suck it up, put on big girl panties and move forward. That means learning to shut up sometimes and knowing when to nag at others. It means knowing when to agree, when to disagree and when to agree to disagree presenting a united front… It’s the unspoken rule book of marriage that will ensure we do have a healthy marriage for as long as we are willing to stick it out, even when sh1t get rough.


I have friends getting married soon who I love dearly (a few couples actually… Wedding season much?) and so I thought, as the wise old wife I am, I’d share my thoughts for them to claim as their own one day… Copyright not required.

• Times will get tough. What you think is tough isn’t tough, that’s a walk in the park compared to the times you guys may or may not face. Guess what, if you can get past it together, you will survive.

• The wedding is the easy part :) And that’s what everyone says is so stressful.

• No matter what, you’re partners. To the world, you’re a unit. Your behavior does not only reflect who you are but reflects your partner as well. If one of you cracks, you both crack. Make sure your husband or wife has a safe place to crack when it happens, we are human.

• There will be people who test you, challenge you, disagree with you and even doubt your marriage. Honestly, who cares!!! The marriage is yours and your partners alone, what everyone else says is irrelevant.

• There is no time frame on love, life, marriage etc. If you marry after 1 month, 2 years or 10, it’s your choice.

• Always know where you stand with each other, that is something both of you should know before everyone else does. If people around you know more about your marriage than you do, something is wrong.

• Heated discussions and debates make for a healthy, intelligent marriage. If conversations stay interesting, so will your marriage.

• Learn how to be together and do nothing. Even better, learn how to do something for yourself while you are together. I can read a book, he can work on the computer, we are still in the same room together :)

• Then for goodness sake get some time apart. 24/7 was not in my vows and the time we spend apart is healthy. There is truth in absence makes the heart grow fonder.

• Never lose who you are for the sake of being someone you think your spouse wants you to be. I’m difficult, always have been and always will be but he married me this way and knows I will never change.

• Your husband or wife is going to come with bad habits. My OCD means half of what my hubby does annoys me but I choose my battles and sometimes have to overlook the ring in the bathtub or the half glasses of water all over the house… I’m certain when asking what my bad habits are, the list is pretty long.

• When asking my husband what his marriage advice would be, his answer is ‘Just say YES boss’.

• Compromise, compromise, compromise… The only thing you shouldn’t compromise on is yourself.

• If you do not love yourself you cannot expect to love someone else. If you’re not happy with yourself, ask your partner to help you and support you so that you can be happy with yourself. The more confident, sassy and sexy you feel, the more you’ll want to share with your partner.

• Remember you are human. We get angry, we say nasty things, we push buttons and we sometimes let our ugly streaks out… If your spouse doesn’t love that ugly side, who
will. The habit we need to get out of as a human race is saying things we don’t mean. It’s not a very nice trait to break someone down when that’s the person you should spend time building up.

I hope everyone gets to have that 50 year long marriage filled with love and happiness. If it’s not work, it’s not a marriage. When you stop working at it is when you’ve given up.


On that note, happy husband’s day to my amazing husband. I drive you mad, we irritate the crap out of each other, we fight and we argue… But that’s only a small percentage of the time and actually, we have a pretty cool marriage and we make a pretty awesome couple!!!


Avril Lavigne specifically sings “Here’s to never growing up”… For once, I have to disagree. As much as I’ve always enjoyed the music of this punk rock singer, I just cannot identify with these lyrics I’m afraid.

I was young once and no, I’m not old now, but I’d like to think that I’ve grown up a little bit. My priorities have changed, my likes / dislikes have changed, my clothing and fashion sense has changed, the activities I enjoy doing have changed… Overall, I have changed.

Instead of drinking copious amounts of alcohol for a good time, I’m able to drink little or none and still have just as good of a time sans hangover the next morning. That said, it doesn’t mean I don’t drink at all and I’m still up for sporadic over indulgence but it’s exactly that, sporadic (and on special occasion). I’m also 100% ok with not spending money.

Instead of all the clubs, pubs and house parties I’d frequent when I was younger, I’m quite happy to indulge in a family or friends braai with like minded people who may or may not also have children (Making it easier to entertain the children). I’m quite happy to sit around a table, contemplate life, discuss news and drink anything from water to Jagermeister. Sure, the braai doesn’t always happen on time or the meat doesn’t get eaten, but the effort is there. Don’t get me wrong, the odd night out and a good dance is amazing. I’m not saying it’s not needed at all… I just don’t need to do it as much as I did pre offspring.

I’m really happy to go to bed at 8pm when possible, get a full nights sleep of 8 hours or more and then wake up at sparrows fart to a fresh and brand new day. I’m a morning person, I can’t say that I ever was a morning person in my youth. This applies to weekdays and weekends, I’m the dork that is up with my kids at 6am feeling like I’ve been up for hours when it’s only 6:30am.

I have never been one to dress or accessorize to fit in but I also didn’t genuinely give a continental over what people thought about my appearance. I’m still as unique and eccentric as ever (A friend used that word on me last night) however I do give thought to my appearance and the perception I give off to people. I’ve learnt to play up my assets and play down my flaws, show my curves and accentuate the features making me unique. When I turned heads before it was because of judgement, when I turn heads now it’s out of curiosity.

Secrets suck. Remember having 2 friends and always felt like 3 was a crowd? I remember having situations like this all through high school where one would tell tales on the other, lies were told and girls would fight. Now that I’ve matured a bit I’d like to think that I don’t have secrets. I am an open book, ask and I will tell. I wear my heart on my sleeve and give advice where it’s asked for, but not too much advice because that’s annoying.

I’ve become super fussy. When I was earning a pittance of a salary, my only luxuries were a more expensive brand of deodorant and a chomp. The more I earned, the more I upgraded my taste. I’m not saying I’m rich now, by any means, but I know what I like or want and won’t settle for less than that. I afford myself luxuries and if I want to spend money on things for myself, I do and I can.

Every song on the radio had lyrics that I’d look for meaning in, without having life experience. Now that I’m a little older, married, have children, had my heart broken numerous times and had a number of toxic relationships / situations in my life, I can identify with a wide range of songs and lyrics and have truly been able to grow my appreciation for music in general.

I’m able to appreciate my friends and family so much more. Younger, your friends are all that matters and your family are just their to drive you nuts. I had nothing in common with my siblings and found family time tedious. As I get older and have my own family, I understand just how important my family is. That said, my family is not only my blood family but the family of people that accept me in totality for the nut job that I am and love me for it and not in spite of it. The close friends that I love dearly, with whom I can have the best party but also the most intelligent conversations. The friends that share their lives with me and in turn I share my life back.

Not everyone is finding their first love, instead all my friends are getting married, getting engaged or having babies. I know, I was a little ahead in that department but finally everyone around me is catching up and it’s amazing. They say that you know you’re old when you’re attending many funerals, I disagree. At that point, you’re not old, you’re grateful.

Forgiveness and acceptance gets a little easier with time… We’ve all made mistakes in the past but being mature means being able to accept that you stuffed up and you’re willing to make it right. That you don’t hold grudges but don’t hold unnecessary friendships either. By now, I know what’s right for me and what’s not. I know who’s right for me and who’s not. I’m not afraid to discard the rubbish and carry on nonplussed.

Contrary to what Avril Lavigne sings, I never sang Radiohead at the top of my lungs, I’m happy that my generation grew out of that phase, no offense to Radiohead fans.

She may never want to grow up but you know what? I’m happy I did. I’m proud of who I am and the friends and family around me. By force we grew up, by choice we matured and by the way, we are awesome.