Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

Without risk, there is no reward. So cliché, so true.

It has been a while since I wrote anything – The contemplation of life, love, lessons and everything in between has forced a digital silence that even I cannot break. A writer’s block I could not shake. A finger break even the most experienced of writers deserve.

A few months ago I made a decision. A decision to give up a career, a future, a reputation that I have spent years working towards… only to regress, get back to the start, go back to basics. A risk I chose to take in order to reap future rewards that I could not yet predict.

The truth is, I am good at what I do. I was good at what I did. I loved my job, the job at the crux of it anyway. I loved being a team leader and leading a team of people with the same goals, dreams and ideals that I had for myself. I loved being part of something bigger and above all, I loved being recognised for what I was doing. It was good to hear people tell me and others just how good I was at what I did and get globally awarded for what I did. My peers, my managers, my leaders… they all recognised my achievements and saw in me potential that at times I did not even see for myself.

I wouldn’t say that I got caught up in the hype, in fact most of the time my reputation was not on my mind – I worked hard, I wanted to achieve the goals that we had set out for ourselves, for our business and was doing anything I could to ensure we got to where we needed to be. Sadly, in the process I went through quite a traumatic personal experience which changed my view on things. I worked long, strange hours in a shift scenario which included working on weekends and a lot of time away from the people I needed most, my family. I gave everything of myself and my time to help someone else achieve their goals and at the end of the day, it was to my own detriment… I believe I suffered an undiagnosed nervous breakdown and after much consideration, I decided the only person who could change my situation was me. I needed to get out of the toxic environment that was holding me down with its negativity and collapse that threatened my sanity.

It definitely was not easy. A lot of back and forward went on within me… Do I stay, do I go? Those who know me will know that I am loyal, to the end. I did not want to resign but was going to do so without additional work for the sheer purpose of regenerating the batteries. I needed a break. I needed a change and I needed to put myself first for the first time in a long time. And so, I did it. I resigned. I gave up everything I had worked for, I gave up my what I thought was my future and I gave up my position on the corporate ladder because I knew in my heart it was what was right.

A few days later I was lucky enough to find another position at my present company, it was scary knowing the risk involved and moving to a commission based salary but I am more than happy that I did.

The last month of work was the toughest, the days grew closer to me leaving and I felt like a traitor. Like I had given up everything and was making the biggest mistake of my life but I knew when I walked out that door on the last day, I had made the right choice. I had done the right thing. I was on the right path.

When I started at the new company, I did not know what to expect but I did know that it would not be easy. I felt like a junior again, like I needed to be re taught despite my skills and the knowledge I have acquired in the same position over the years. I was no longer a leader and had to learn to humbly step down from the task I had become accustomed to. I became the new dog in a land of old tricks and the very idea was daunting. I felt useless. I was a nobody. I was no longer the great team leader / consultant that had won all the awards she did and in fact, I was also broke having taken quite a salary cut based on the commission structure.

The truth is, this risk was not just a risk financially. It was a wake-up call, a reality check and a reminder why I do what I do and why I love what I do. Back to basics, back to quality versus quantity and back to a value system that I longed for in my career. You see, where I was had become like a battery chicken farm… hundreds of unwilling chickens despite their calibre all being kept in the smallest of cages all expected to perform and be the very best chicken dinner. Where I am now? It is a free range chicken farm, a heathy environment with a definite goal and vision in place. The change had not only forced me to see the value in myself and what I have to offer but also in what the future has to offer for me.

I am still a nobody… 3 months is not enough time to prove oneself. It is not enough time to show people what I can do and will do for them and also what I will do for myself. It has not been long enough for me to start reaping the financial rewards and yet the light is now at the end of the tunnel and I am on the up and up. I am motivated and I will show what I am made of, but more importantly I remember that I got into this industry because I want to assist people. Contrary to popular belief, I manage relationships and develop these with my clients – This has made me successful, not my ability to use systems or google.

And the rewards? I have time with my family. My husband, my children – They saw me through the worst and now I am able to give them something back… a far less stressed me! Yes, my husband still cooks every night but at least I am home in time to have dinner with him, it is the little things that matter. Yes, there is still worry and stress, mainly the financial kind, but who doesn’t live with that anyway? You see, I may have been doing well before but I was not happy. Now? I am happy and the potential to do well is there, I am working towards it every minute of every day at the office and I am happy to do so!

Happy anniversary!

Posted: July 28, 2014 in Family, Personal
Tags: , , , ,

Quick post – a happy 2 year anniversary to my amazing husband!

20140728-061343-22423855.jpg

Cherubs

Posted: May 30, 2014 in Friends, Personal, Writings
Tags: , , , , , ,

A poem for my friends…
Their loss so great, their presence not forgotten.

(Permission granted to post)

***

Mother of dragons you aren’t
Beauty and wonder far more you own
Sometimes you shan’t ever understand
Why you feel so incredibly alone

Such a gift you were given
As swiftly taken away
To walk among the living
Was for them a few weeks of play

Destined for greatness elsewhere
You were the perfect host
How cruel and unfair
You out of all will miss them most

The truth to their existence
We shall never understand
More important lifetimes they face
In spirit, always hold their hands

The pain now
Far too much to bear
In time it will hurt a little less
For a lifetime you will care

The twins of your womb
Enjoyed their brief yet loved stay
You were specifically chosen
To face this devastating day

Only you are as strong
For with this sadness to deal
No other mother on the planet
Could make their lives more real

They know how much you loved them
They know how much you cared
I’m certain that they’re sad for leaving
But know that you’re prepared

Their absence swallows many
Their presence always missed
We love the twins intensely
A soul your soul has kissed

I hold your hand, head and heart
Through this trying time
My friend I’m so sorry
My favorite, mine.

***

Shevy

I am not a a South African.

Keep calm, I’m not an illegal immigrant either. I moved to South Africa when I was 6 years old and legally obtained permanent residence here. This means I’m allowed to work, bank and reside in South Africa without having citizenship. I am permitted to apply for citizenship since I’ve naturalized in this country but sadly, South Africa, I decline your offer. I’ve not been denied citizenship, I just don’t want it.

My ID book reads NON SA CITIZEN… This means I can do everything a citizen of a South Africa can do except the one thing the country needs me to do. Vote. Yes, if I applied for citizenship and took the time and opportunity to call myself a South African, I would be able to offer that one additional vote but sadly, it’s just not worth it for me.

I never completely understood why I didn’t develop a desire to become a citizen of the country. I was so young when I moved here and remembered little of my birth country. Fortunately, I’ve been afforded a few travel opportunities which have, in my travels, led me back to the United Kingdom. I cannot begin to describe the feelings I experience when I travel to London, it’s as if I know in my heart and my head know that I’m home. Suddenly my solitary vote doesn’t seem too important.

So why am I still here? Well, once roots are planted its difficult to pull them from the ground. I have a husband, I have two children and I have family and friends, all here in a South Africa. For now it is my home, yet I’ve made it popular knowledge that I have a desire to relocate my family to England and somewhere in the not too distant future I hope to do this.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate South Africa. I’m not clambering at the embassy doors for a way out, it’s my home after all. What we have here for the most part is a beautiful country, great weather (if you like the weather, though my Anglo Saxon blood tends to favor the cool rainy seasons), good opportunities (I’ve never had a problem career wise, despite my skin color and the same goes for many I know of all races), unity (when a rugby match is on, not football, just rugby) and social media access (the same cannot be said for China). As I write this though, I battle to churn out the positives to be seen in South Africa because based on the recent ‘free and fair’ elections, I struggle to see freedom or fairness.

Of course, I encourage anyone allowed to vote to do so. It is imperative that your voice be heard as a citizen of this country. It is your valuable choice that adds up to a thousand valuable choices and hopefully an intelligent outcome… So, as someone who doesn’t (and can’t) vote, what gives me the right to complain when I cannot provide a contribution to the system that decides our countries fate? Truth is, I don’t generally complain. In fact, I’m still here, as affected by this countries bad decisions as ever. The time is coming for me to make my decision though, shall I apply for citizenship or shan’t I? My resolve remains a resounding no, sadly, I shan’t.

I refuse to be tarnished by the same brush of a country that fairly allows for the lynching of rural residents who choose to break the mould and vote against the existing government. How disgusting that a video of a woman being savagely beaten to death goes viral and shows nothing more than the backwards nature of our political freedom. How free she was as she lay grounded by the axe blows to her forehead, how free and fair was her election? It’s definitely a fair election when parties are going out of there way and taking time from their busy schedules to offer the impoverished communities money (R50) and clothing (branded t-shifts) to entice the masses into a vote. Of course, the illiterate and uneducated understand that R50 will feed their family that day but the bigger picture is in shadow, another vote won by shameless bribery, that’s fair surely but for the tax payer, definitely not free. How sad that the most valuable piece of paper you can mark for the government gets left uncounted, that boxes upon boxes of discarded ballots are being used as fire fuel to the poor, I’d say that’s a pretty free and fair election. The icing on the cake would be the theft of my mobile number to punt your criminal party to me days before and days after the election without my permission, but I guess you assumed you didn’t need this permission did you? Free and fair? Free. Fair. My arse.

So if I was a citizen, posting my thumb selfie, post voting day, would I be truly confident that the elections were free and fair and I can sleep better knowing all that could have been done was in fact done? Hardly, in fact they were probably rigged from the start and Nelson Mandela is churning in his grave at the disgusting behavior of our government and total shambles that is our backwards voting system. It can’t be that bad though right? Because google our elections and ten websites will pop up reiterating how great they actually were, going off without a hitch. Too few links come up with the truth, the anguish and the murder behind elections 2014 and what’s being done to rectify it.

I constantly say ‘our’ when referring to South Africa. The petrol price sucks but I have petrol. eTolls suck but I drive on roads. Internet prices suck but I have a modem. Food prices disgust me but I eat. Traffic is disgusting but I drive to work daily. Education is in the toilet but at least my children have schools to go to. Racism is rife but I’m free to befriend all colors and creeds. Water is dirty, but I can drink it. Eskom goes out more than an old man’s back but I have a power source. So many things here to upset me South Africa, yet I don’t complain. This time, I’m afraid you’ve pushed the boundaries and I’m no murderer nor will I be an accomplice to one. I’m sorry South Africa, citizenship denied.

Shevy

20140514-204028.jpg

I didn’t always plan on being tattooed. I grew up as a ‘black sheep’ with very different and unique ideals about life. I have always been headstrong and opinionated and because of this, was bound to stray from the path of the white picket fence… Once I turned 18, I started getting tattoos and never looked back. Here I am today, female, fun and full of ink… And I don’t plan on slowing down anytime soon.

Let me be clear, being female and having tattoos does not mean that I am a Rockabilly chick – Why? Because that takes work. Work, time, effort and creativity. Am I worthy? Perhaps, but I have some work to do before I get there and live this lifestyle that I have fallen so deeply in love with. I curtsy to all the women (and men) living this era, the effort that it takes with hair and make up and the beauty that you exude when out on the town… I have the most respect for the dolls out daily in their dresses with hair in perfect curl and red lipstick on point, in fact, I’m envious.

If unsure about what Rockabilly is, here are a few pages with some information to better educate you on the style and era :

Wikipedia – Rockabilly
How to be a Rockabilly Dollie
Pin up vs Rockabilly

Here begins the road to Rockabilly.

After following a few Pin Up and Rockabilly enthusiasts via social media in the past year, I developed an interest in the clothing, make up, hair and overall attitude of the era. I kept an eye out on trends, accessories and hair color for an overall picture of what Rockabilly was about, though never acting on transitioning to a Rockabilly girl myself. Me? Shevy? The rocker chick that doesn’t even wear dresses, ever? How absurd. Or so I believed.

Last year, we were invited to attend a Rockabilly themed anniversary party which I thought was a great opportunity to try out the Rockabilly style. I donned red skinnies, pumps, a vest and checkered shirt with some red in my hair and make up to match. I spent weeks figuring out my outfit, calling on all contacts for help and making the best go of it I possibly could. The end result, a Rockabilly / Psychobilly hybrid which I absolutely loved! I felt… Comfortable.

20140511-172833.jpg
My interest was peaked. I really enjoyed ‘dressing up’ and realized that I wanted this to be more than a dress up. I could do this, as a way life, couldn’t I? Sadly not, life got in the way and before I knew it, a new year was upon us. Then, my dad announced the dates and theme for his 50th birthday party (Theme – Glam) and I knew that the 50’s were waiting to be channeled by no one but me.

The first step, finding a dress. For followers of my blog, you’ll know that my dress search became almost, well, hopeless. Basically, the dress I ordered months ago was stolen at customs (Full Story – Time for a rockabilly rant) and the second dress that my husband drove to Sasolburg and back to collect didn’t end up fitting. A desperate cry for help via social media (Thank you The Tattooed Lady) led me to find this little gem of a shop in Brooklyn Mall, Pretoria called Retrospective. Mondi was amazing, the day before the party I’d already been in contact and on the day of, we arrived to fitting rooms ready with dresses in my size and the hope that I’d be walking away with a dress. Third time lucky. I decided on a Hell Bunny dress (Aztec) with a white petticoat and the first smile about my outfit in days. While not the original nautical style dress I’d planned on, the colors still matched and I think everything worked really well (Red, Blue and White).

20140511-174121.jpg
Prior to the dress debacle, I’d planned accessories and shoes for the outfit. I ordered nautical inspired accessories from Miss Happ, a beautiful cameo necklace, anchor earrings, a hair clip and shoe clips – the perfect addition to the ensemble. I bought a pair of cheap and cheerful pumps from PnP in white and paired them with my beautiful shoe clips, the shoes were a gorgeous finishing touch. I wasn’t done, a little white cardigan from Mr Price finished it off and my clothing was finally sorted. Thankfully, my Aztec dress matched all the awesome accessories, shoes and cardigan purchased long before I even had it. Was I throwing myself into this? I think so!

20140511-175353.jpg

20140511-175447.jpg
After all this effort on my clothes, shoes and accessories, there was no way I could let my hair, make up and nails slip. The nails were easy, a blue press on to match the outfit but hair and make up? I was in for quite the challenge.

Nails – Check. Make up? I spent a while researching, chatting to friends following video tutorials and googling. Everything led me to red lips, winged liner, pail foundation and understated blush. I ended up with a tutorial for ideas and a steady hand for the liner, best cat’s eyes I’ve ever done!

20140511-180650.jpg

20140511-180655.jpg
Last but not least, hair! Oh my word, Rockabilly dolls do it with style. I wish I had longer hair and a more lenient job to pull off the colored bangs and Dita waves but alas, my pixie style meant for a little bit of a personal twist. After hours of googling (again) I came across a video tutorial which led my husband being ordered to the shop to buy a curling iron (which I didn’t previously own) and hours of frustration and irritation. After two hours, the end result really did look good and was well worth the effort, how would I do this daily?

20140511-181342.jpg
After all of this, my outfit was complete. I was happy. I ordered my photographer husband to take some photos of me (proud moment) with my vintage scooter – yes, it’s mine – and off to the party we went.

What a journey to get here… The frustrations, complications, challenges and expenses involved were many, but the satisfaction with the end result far outweighed all of this. Many girls dream of growing up to be princesses, I wasn’t one of them. In fact, I grew up not knowing what I wanted to be. Now that I’ve grown up, I realize that one girls princess is another girls Rockabilly doll or pin up and perhaps I’ve stumbled on the girly girl I’m supposed to be instead of the ‘mature’ woman I’m expected to be. I spent my life refusing to fit in, moving against the masses. Now I find myself longing to fit in with a group of like minded people who don’t fit into the masses and are happy with that. I bought my first Rockabilly dress and I can guarantee you, it won’t be the last. I look forward to buying more trinkets and accessories, learning different ways to style my hair and play around with this gorgeous style. Suddenly, I find myself caring about how I look (not that I didn’t before, but more so now) and paying more attention to the style I portray. The most rewarding aspect? The positive attention I’ve received after posting a few of the photos, the compliments I received at the party and the amount of people that have told me the look suits me and I do pull it off, well. I know that I must be on the right track…

So, you may ask, do I actually know anything about the 50’s? I do, in fact, Marilyn Monroe is a favorite of mine but in all honesty, I don’t know enough and so I will continue to learn through my journey. I’m a traveller and the road is paved with Elvis and lipstick and beauties of decades past. I know where I want to be, I know who I am, I know where I’m going and I like it.

Shevy

P.S. The final product… Dress, Make up, Hair, Nails, Shoes, Scooter and all.

20140511-190528.jpg

It’s not often they I choose to feed negativity here on http://www.theshevster.com but I must say, I’m particularly frikkin annoyed and must rant to keep my stress levels as low as possible.

My dad’s 50th birthday is coming up and the theme of the party… ‘glam’. Being a 50th I chose to dress in a 50’s rockabilly type fashion which I’m particularly excited about.

From Miss Happ, all my gorgeous glam accessories to match my dress – pics attached.

From Pinn’d Up Clothing, a beautiful Rockabilly dress – pics attached.

We’ve since co ordinated the family (daughters and husband) to dress glamorously using the red, white and blue theme carried throughout and their outfits (and accessories) are in the wardrobe, all ready to go for Saturday.

All planned and good to go right? Wrong! Because, by no fault of the supplier, my dress has gone missing. It was made, it was couriered to supplier for quality control, some bastards at customs took a rifle through my package and now my dress is gone. GONE! It didn’t even get to supplier for final courier to me even though the rest of the items arrived safely (including my underskirt, thankfully but no use without the dress). With 5 days to go before the party, I have shoes and I have accessories but alas, I’ll be going naked. While everything is being done to attempt a rush order on a new dress or provide me with another one (pointless really as it won’t match now), chances are slim that I’ll receive the dress I ordered in my size in time for the party :(

I am so angry at the audacity of people in this country! How DARE you/they/he/she open up MY package and take the dress made specifically for ME paid for by MY hard earned money leaving ME without the dress. Quite frankly it’s disgusting that we can’t trust the postal service so we use a courier but heck, you can’t even trust customs to get anything into the country because guess what, someone sitting there clearly believes they deserve it more than you do. For free. I am angry (because this isn’t the first time) and now, I’m also anxious because I don’t know what I’m going to have by Friday (if anything) and what I do eventually receive may not fit or match. What the actual f@#k (French to be excused please) is wrong with the world and the people in it that all morals are thrown to the wind because you see a pretty dress and choose to keep it. Screw you. Screw customs. Screw the government. Screw the country.

Really positive leading up to election time isn’t it?

In case you didn’t realize before, I’m pissed off and now I’m miserable as well… Feeling no better for my rant. It’s such a pretty dress and now I don’t have it and I have such pretty accessories and nothing to wear them with. To add to my crappy few days I’ve lost my Twisp (e-cigarette), gotten a severe UTI, been on horrid antibiotics, broken the UV lamp for my nails and broken out in the worst psoriasis ever. If this is May 2014, I want a do over – truly hope it isn’t a telling of the days to come.

I know, I sound like a spoilt brat but if you spent hard earned money on something you had your heart set on receiving but didn’t actually receive, you’d be a spoilt brat too…

Here’s hoping I have a dress by Friday, or my family may be wrapping me in a tablecloth.

Rant over
Shevy

20140504-202045.jpg

20140504-202051.jpg

You are good enough.

You need to tell yourself that every single day for the rest of your life, because if you don’t no one else is going to.

Happiness. What is happiness? It’s subjective. I have no answer for you, what makes one person happy could make another miserable. What is important to one soul is of little or no importance to another. What troubles and hurts me may have no effect on you but your biggest issue is the last worry on my list….

Growing up we are brain washed. Be thin, you will be happy. Be beautiful, you will be happy. Hey, be rich, you’ll be happier!! Why not get the perfect career, the perfect friends, the perfect furniture and house, the perfect man, the perfect children. All of these things will make you happy won’t they? Won’t they??? I’m sorry to tell you but as good as everything I’ve mentioned sounds, they probably won’t make you happy… Not if you’re not happy with the one thing that matters the most, not if you’re not happy with you.

I’ve grown up trying to people please. I have tried to hide the real me and have tried to conform to the standards I’ve been expected to… The old me anyway. That old me was miserable, that old me was fake, that old me was not truly me. Finally, after years of hiding me, I’m now accepting me. I’m accepting me for the faults I have and the traits that make me the person I am today. I’m not rich. I’m not thin. I don’t have the perfect career. My friends aren’t perfect. My house, my furniture, my man and my children, they too are not perfect. I’m a perfectionist with OCD but I’m no longer striving for perfection, I’m striving for happiness and that starts with me.

How do you not look in the mirror and feel worthless? How do you move past placing the responsibility of your worth on someone else? How do you learn to accept that you are human instead of constantly feeling like you’re a failure?

“Let go of the knife you are holding at your throat, the knife of shame, blame, fear and remorse.”

>No one is perfect… If you’re comparing yourself to others you’ll never feel that you’re good enough for anyone. You won’t be good enough for yourself. The scary thing is that people you think are perfect, are probably thinking about ten other people that they think are perfect. It’s a spiral, a downhill one, comparison will only hinder your happiness.

>When last did you have a conversation with yourself? Ok, not a loopy conversation but a monologue with your mind’s eye. You are good enough. Yes I am. You look great today. Yes I do. Tomorrow will be better than today, chin up. Thanks for the reassurance, I needed that. No, voices in your head don’t make you crazy. It’s one of the most intelligent conversations you’ve had.

>Remind yourself. Who you are, what you have to be thankful for and the people in your life. Before bed, over a cup of tea or lying in the bath, just remind yourself that you’re surrounded by people who love you and think you’re amazing. If they do, why can’t you?

>I say it all the time and I’ll say it again… Allow yourself to feel. Be human. There is nothing wrong with hurting, being sad, being upset but you will be ok and tomorrow the sun rises despite what you’re feeling.

>Forgiveness… There could be many reasons you’re not happy. You feel unworthy. Your confidence or self esteem is kicked in the teeth. Some of those feelings could probably be attributed to various people in your life. Parents, teachers, siblings, friends or exes. Sometime, somewhere, someone made you feel like you’ll never amount to much and that deduction has never left you. It’s time to forgive, it’s time to let go and make your own decisions about your life.

>Make a choice. I choose to be worthy. I choose to be confident. I choose forgiveness and I choose happiness. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.

The key to happiness and self worth is understanding that you’re the only key. No one person makes you feel worthless or like a failure, those feelings are your own. Think of a child learning to swim… They may feel like they’re going to drown the first few times in the pool. The pool may scare the hell out of them. After a few lessons though, the confidence builds and eventually they’re winning races in swimming gala’s. It’s time to love yourself, if you don’t, no one else can.

If you want to let the good stuff in,
stop beating yourself up.
No matter what.

Everyone is different but here is a list of things that could help you love you. There is no harm in trying…

Source

Read on for steps to discover your worth and enfold yourself in affection and appreciation.

1. Begin your day with love (not technology). Remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed. Breathe in love and breathe out love. Enfold yourself in light. Saturate your being in love.

2. Take time to meditate and journal. Spend time focusing inward daily. Begin with 5 minutes of meditation and 5 minutes of journaling each morning. Gradually increase this time.

3. Talk yourself happy. Use affirmations to train your mind to become more positive. Put a wrist band on your right wrist. When you’re participating in self-abuse of any form, move the band to your left wrist.

4. Get emotionally honest. Let of go of numbing your feelings. Shopping, eating, and drinking are examples of avoiding discomfort, sadness, and pain. Mindfully breathe your way through your feelings and emotions.

5. Expand your interests. Try something new. Learn a language. Go places you’ve never been. Do things you haven’t done before. You have a right to an awesome life.

6. Enjoy life enhancing activities. Find exercise you like. Discover healthy foods that are good for you. Turn off technology for a day and spend time doing things that make you feel alive.

7. Become willing to surrender. Breathe, relax, and let go. You can never see the whole picture. You don’t know what anything is for. Stop fighting against yourself by thinking and desiring people and events in your life should be different. Your plan may be different from your soul’s intentions.

8. Work on personal and spiritual development. Be willing to surrender and grow. Life is a journey. We are here to learn and love on a deeper level. Take penguin steps and life becomes difficult. One step at a time is enough to proceed forward.

9. Own your potential. Love yourself enough to believe in the limitless opportunities available to you. Take action and create a beautiful life for yourself.

10. Be patient with yourself. Let go of urgency and fear. Relax and transform striving into thriving. Trust in yourself, do good work, and the Universe will reward you.

11. Live in appreciation. Train your mind to be grateful. Appreciate your talents, beauty, and brilliance. Love your imperfectly perfect self.

12. Be guided by your intuition. All answers come from within. Look for signs and pay attention to your gut feelings. You’ll hear two inner voices when you need to make a decision. The quiet voice is your higher self; the loud voice is your ego. Always go with the quieter voice.

13. Do what honors and respects you. Don’t participate in activities that bring you down. Don’t allow toxic people in your life. Love everyone, but be discerning on who you allow into your life.

14. Accept uncertainty. Suffering comes from living in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. Put your attention on the present moment and be at peace.

15. Forgive yourself. Learn from your mistakes and go forward. Use this affirmation, “I forgive myself for judging myself for __________ (fill in the blank i.e.: for getting sick, for acting out, for not doing your best.)

16. Discover the power of fun. Self-love requires time to relax, play, and create face-to-face interaction with others. Our fast-paced world creates a goal setting, competitive craziness that doesn’t leave room for play. Dr. Stuart Brow says, “The opposite of play isn’t work, it is depression.”

17. Be real. Speak up and speak out. Allow yourself to be seen, known, and heard. Get comfortable with intimacy (in-to-me-see).

18. Focus on the positive. Go to your heart and dwell on and praise yourself for what you get right in all areas.

19. Become aware of self neglect and rejection. Become conscious of your choices. Ask yourself several times throughout the day, “Does this choice honor me?”

20. Imagine what your life would look like if you believed in your worth. Dedicate your life to loving you. Make it your main event.

21. Seek professional help. Self-rejection and neglect is painful. You deserve to be happy. You have a right to be accepted and loved. If necessary, seek help from a support group, counselor, or coach. It’s the best investment you can make.

***

I hope that I learn to love myself as much as I am loved.
I hope to be as happy as people think I am.
I will one day be as strong as others expect.
I believe I am worthy of anything I desire.

That’s what you tell yourself everyday and then, only then, when you are happy will others love you as you love yourself. As you deserve.

Shevy*

20140424-222748.jpg